


Parties 'R Us

by Kereng



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-16
Updated: 2003-04-16
Packaged: 2019-05-30 10:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15094613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kereng/pseuds/Kereng
Summary: A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of theWest Wing Fanfiction Central, a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in theannouncement post.





	Parties 'R Us

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Parties 'R Us**

**by:** Kerry

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Humor, Romance   
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own `em.  
**Summary:** 9th in the Banter and Bets series  
**Author's Note:** This is the sequel to `"Bellowed Out", "Husky", "Cracked", "Revealed", "Revenge", "Fool's Game", "Notice" and "Roses and Dresses" and you need to read them for this to make sense.  Many, many thanks for all the feedback for that fic; it's greatly appreciated. I should probably point out that the time-setting for this is Season 4, while Sam is on his leave of absence.

"Josh, you're not going to drink too much tonight, are you?" 

"Donna," Josh sighed, glancing at her quickly and then returning his eyes to the road, "I'll be fine."  Another glance at her showed she wasn't convinced.  "Look, my bachelor party is in the White House, it's not like I can get in too much trouble there, with the Secret Service around the President," he assured her. 

"Well, I dunno about that.  My bridal shower is in the Residence, with the Secret Service there for the First Lady, but CJ says she has many things planned to make me blush," Donna said. 

"Knowing CJ, that means she's gonna give you lingerie or something, which will make *you* blush and *me* smile," he grinned.  Donna rolled her eyes, causing him to laugh.  "Donna, you put Toby in charge of the bachelor party, and we're holding it in the White House; seriously, what do you think is gonna happen?" 

"What do I think is gonna happen when you, Toby, Sam, Charlie, Leo, Will, Danny and the President get together for a bachelor party?  The mind boggles," she deadpanned.  Josh smirked and Donna decided to wind him up a little.  "However," she continued, "I guess I should take comfort in the fact that whatever you guys are doing, us girls will be having a lot more fun and, well, it's not like you made CJ follow the rules I set for Sam and Toby." 

"What do you mean?" he questioned suspiciously, catching her mischievous look out of the corner of his eye. 

"Well, I banned Toby and Sam from hiring a stripper for *you* but, you didn't ban CJ from hiring one for *me*," she grinned. 

"You know, I'm not gonna rise to the bait," Josh stated. 

"Bait?" she asked innocently. 

"You're trying to make me crazy by thinking about you fawning over some stripper but -" 

"Actually," she interrupted, "I was thinking more along the lines of *pawing* him, rather than fawning over him." 

"Anyway," Josh continued, giving her a mock-glare and choosing to ignore her comment, "it's not going to work." 

"What's not going to work?" 

"Donna," he warned good-naturedly.  "I really don't care if there's a stripper there." 

"You don't?" she queried skeptically. 

"No, for two reasons.  One, I seriously doubt CJ would dare bring a stripper into the White House Residence, -" 

"No, but the First Lady would," Donna interjected. 

"And two," he continued, once again ignoring her comment, "you wouldn't be interested." 

"I wouldn't?" 

Josh could tell without even looking that her eyebrows were raised.  "Why would you be interested when you can get your own, private, strip show at home?" he smirked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively as he quickly glanced at her again. 

"Yeah," she laughed.  "But, you see, CJ doesn't really think that watching you strip would give me much of a thrill." 

"She told you that?" he asked quickly.  "I mean, you two discuss these things?" 

"Girls talk, Josh." 

"Donna!"  She dipped her head to hide the grin that appeared at Josh's squeaky-voiced exclamation.  He gave a small cough and then asked more quietly, "You told her that her theory is wrong though, right?"  Donna remained silent, choosing to give him an enigmatic smile instead.  "Donna!" 

"What do you care, Josh?  I mean, you're so sure I won't be interested in a stripper, you must be pretty confident of what I think of your body." 

"You're just messing with me now, aren't you?" 

"Yep," she confirmed with a grin. 

"And there's not going to be a stripper at your bridal shower, is there?" 

"I don't know, Josh," she replied honestly.  "CJ wouldn't tell me what she has planned, but she has been dropping hints about buying a bulk order of baby oil." 

"Okay, you're still trying to taunt me, so I'm going to use one of your favorite phrases," Josh stated. 

"What's that?" 

"I'm impervious." 

Donna laughed and continued laughing for the remaining few minutes of their journey.  Josh drew into his assigned space in the parking lot, switched off the engine and turned to look at her. 

"It's not that funny, you know." 

"I know, I'm just thinking about what CJ *really* has planned since I, like you, don't think she'll have hired a stripper; I know she'll have something organized though, I'm just coming up with ideas." 

"Care to share those ideas?" 

"No," she replied, patting his right thigh.  "I don't think you could handle them," she grinned. 

* 

"Poker?  We're playing poker?  That's my bachelor party activity, playing poker?" Josh asked his fellow occupants in Leo's office late in the evening as they assembled for the bachelor party. 

"You sound disappointed, Josh," the President said. 

"Uh, no, I'm not," he stated quickly.  "I'm just...surprised, that's all." 

"What did you think we were going to do?" Sam asked. 

"I dunno, I just...I wasn't expecting a poker night; we can do that anytime." 

"You *are* disappointed," Sam said, sounding a little hurt.  "I told you my idea was better," he informed Toby. 

"Your idea?" Josh queried. 

"Yeah, the poker night was *Toby's* idea; I had something else planned but he overruled me." 

"Uh, Sam, you know Toby can't really overrule you now, right?  You don't work for him anymore," Leo pointed out. 

"If we'd gone with his idea, Donna would have got mad and blamed me, since she put *me* in charge of tonight," Toby explained. 

"Hey, we're *co-planners*," Sam stated huffily. 

"Okay, we're co-planners," Toby agreed, "but I have seniority." 

The assembled gathering chuckled at Toby's statement and Sam's face.  Josh decided to take the bait. 

"What did *you* want to do, Sam?" 

"You don't want to know," Toby said. 

"I do," Josh insisted.  "Sam?" 

"Well," he replied, a look of excitement on his face, "I wanted to go to the 'Hawk and Dove' and challenge any Republicans there to a 'tequila shots' contest." 

The room fell silent for a few moments, finally broken by the President. 

"Bless Donna and her rules," he smiled, causing everyone to chuckle, except Sam, who narrowed his eyes at the mocking he was receiving. 

* 

"Ah, the happy bride-to-be," Abbey Bartlet said, raising her wine glass as Donna entered the room. 

"Good evening, Mrs Bartlet," Donna greeted. 

"Donna, enough of that; tonight I am Abbey, your friend, not the First Lady."  She waited for Donna to smile an agreement and then continued, "CJ, you're the organizer of this shindig; make sure everyone has a drink and bring the bottles over, we're going to get drunk tonight." 

"Yes, ma'am," CJ readily agreed. 

CJ walked around the room filling the glasses of Carol, Margaret, Bonnie, Ginger, Andi and Donna.  She finally filled a glass for herself and took a seat on the couch between Donna and Margaret, placing two new wine bottles on the table.  Abbey, Ginger, Andi and Bonnie were seated on the couch opposite, with Carol beside Margaret. 

"To Donna," Abbey toasted.  "May she have enough strength to put up with Josh for the rest of her life." 

"To Donna," everyone said aloud, while Donna chuckled and sipped her wine. 

"What was Josh's reaction this morning?" Abbey asked CJ.  "I wish I'd been able to be there." 

"Oh, it was priceless," CJ grinned.  "He vowed to get revenge on his mom for helping me." 

"Yeah, after he finally believed that I had nothing to do with it," Donna grumbled good-naturedly. 

"He thought you were to blame?" Ginger queried. 

"Yeah, he figured that CJ must have got the photos from me to put in the paper." 

Abbey laughed quietly and then stood up.  She crossed the room and retrieved a copy of the Washington Post from an end table. 

"I have to read this again," she told them all with a smile as she sat back down.  Laying the paper out on the coffee table, she leaned forward and read aloud, "Many years ago, Joshua Lyman became a man as he celebrated his Bar Mitzvah.  However, tonight he becomes a man in another sense, as he attends a bachelor party thrown is his honor, prior to his marriage to Donnatella Moss.  Josh, we never thought you would be the groom-to-be at a bachelor party, but we're delighted that you are.  Soon, we'll have another photo to add to the collection you see here; one of you on your wedding day."  Abbey stopped reading and looked at CJ.  "Where did you get these photos if Donna didn't have anything to do with this?" 

"I called Josh's mom, told her what I was planning and asked what she could provide.  She gave me two baby photos to choose from and three from his Bar Mitzvah.  Unfortunately, she didn't have any of baby Josh in the bath, however, she thinks one of her relatives might have one, so she's trying to track that down for the wedding," CJ explained with a grin. 

"Are you two ever going to stop playing pranks on one another?" Carol laughed. 

"No!" CJ and Donna stated in unison. 

"Did Josh know it was you immediately, or did he think one of the guys had done it?" Andi asked. 

"Judging by the fact that he yelled for CJ as soon as he saw the paper in his office this morning, I think it's safe to assume that he knew it was her," Donna replied. 

* 

"You know, Toby, it's really not fair to keep on winning like that," Sam grumbled.  "You could let the rest of us have a chance." 

"It's not my fault if you can't play poker," Toby replied.  "Anyway, this money is going towards the education of my children and you wouldn't want them to be deprived of it, would you?" 

"There's really no good way for me to answer that, is there?" Sam asked with a depressed sigh. 

* 

"So, come on, Donna, spill it; where's the honeymoon going to be?" CJ demanded as they all started their third glasses of wine. 

"I honestly don't know.  I keep telling you that Josh is arranging everything, why won't anyone believe me?" 

"Because, you organize everything for Josh, so I can't believe you'd let him organize something as important as your honeymoon," CJ responded immediately, causing the others to chuckle.  "What made you agree?" 

"He pleaded."  There were dubious looks all around and she expanded, "He pleaded a *lot*... and he kinda caught me off-guard." 

"Off-guard?" Abbey queried. 

"I really don't think you want to know," Donna grinned. 

"Oh, but we do.  What sort of bridal shower would it be if we didn't dish the dirt on the groom-to-be?" laughed CJ. 

"What do you want to know?" 

"You *know* what I want to know," CJ stated.  "Now, come on, on a rating of one to ten?" 

"CJ!" Donna exclaimed, looking from her friend to the First Lady. 

"Oh, don't mind me, Donna," Abbey said, "I want to hear this as well; it gives me more ammunition against Josh, it'll be easier to make him blush." 

* 

"So, Josh, where's the honeymoon going to be?" the President asked as Charlie cleared the empty beer bottles from the table and Sam replenished everyone's drinks. 

Josh laughed and looked from the President to Leo and then back again.  "Leo put you up to this, right?" he accused. 

"Put me up to what?" 

"Asking me about the honeymoon.  He already struck out, so now he's bringing in the big guns." 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Josh," the President insisted. 

"Sure.  Anyway, I'm not going to tell you anything," Josh stated.  "The honeymoon is going to be a surprise for Donna." 

"You think we'd tell her?" 

"No, Sam, I don't think you'd *tell* her exactly, but I do think you'd let her know that you knew...or you'd let it slip somehow.  Anyway, I don't *want* to tell anyone, it's more fun this way." 

"She is going to like it though, right?" Danny questioned. 

"Well, there will be a hotel room and me so, what do you think?" Josh grinned in response. 

"We still have three weeks until your actual wedding, Josh, that's plenty of time for us to find out where you're going.  I know we're holding the bachelor party now because we're going to be busy between now and then, but I can deploy people to do a little research for me," the President smiled. 

Josh shrugged his shoulders and looked completely unconcerned.  "I don't really care, Sir; if you *do* find out, I can either change it, or you'll congratulate me on how good a choice it is and will be happy to keep quiet about it." 

"You're awfully confident there, Josh," the President pressed. 

"Donna agreed to marry me, that gives me all the confidence in the World," Josh replied seriously; his friends raised their eyebrows in silent praise for his thoughtful words. 

* 

"You've *got* to be kidding me," CJ declared, waving her wine glass around, prompting Margaret to remove it from her grasp and place it on the coffee table before the wine spilled everywhere. 

"I kid you not, CJ," Donna replied, turning to look at her friend and smiling widely. 

"*Josh* can do that?  Really?"  Donna nodded an affirmative response.  "Wow, who'd have thought?" 

"I know, I'd never have believed it either, but I ain't complaining," Donna grinned; the wine she had consumed during the evening had removed the vestiges of her embarrassment concerning discussing her love life in front of the First Lady, and she was now talking freely. 

"Where did Josh learn?" Abbey inquired.  "I mean, does he have a book or something?" 

"No, he says it's all natural skill." 

"Really?  Hmm, I wonder if I can commission him to write Jed a report on that," Abbey laughed. 

"You know I'm gonna be scared every time I see the President reading a report Josh has written now, don't you?" 

"You're the Press Secretary, CJ, you can handle these things." 

"Oh, God," CJ groaned. 

* 

"So, how much did everyone win or lose?" the President asked as the poker game ended.  "Josh, you were well and truly beaten, what was the damage?" 

"Oh, I only lost $40, Sir," Josh grinned. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, I knew you guys wouldn't go easy on me, even though you should since I'm guest of honor tonight," he said pointedly with a smile, "so, I folded early in every hand." 

Everyone else tallied up their winnings and losses and it soon emerged that Toby and Leo were the big winners.  Toby still insisted that the $300 he won would go towards the education of his children and Sam complained that since it was mostly his money, it meant that he was educating Toby's children. 

"You know, this isn't much of a bachelor party, Toby," the President stated. 

"Sir?" 

"Well, it's not even midnight yet, and already we're packing up; maybe we should have gone with Sam's idea after all?" 

"I don't really think *you* could have done that, Sir, and anyway, we do have work tomorrow," Toby pointed out in his own defense. 

"Yes, and so do the women," the President replied. 

"Sir?" 

"I know Abbey and CJ have a whole night of festivities planned for Donna, yet we're now finished; I think we should go crash the bridal shower." 

"You're not serious?" Toby queried, earning himself a glare. 

"Yes, Toby, I'm perfectly serious.  Come on," the President said, standing up and motioning for everyone to follow.  "That's an order," he continued when everyone remained seated, "and shouldn't you all be standing since I am standing?" 

Everyone stood and looked towards Leo; he shrugged his shoulders and gave them a helpless look. 

"Are we allowed to crash a bridal shower?" Sam mused.  "I mean, we're guys, we're not supposed to go to a bridal shower." 

"Unless we're strippers," Danny grinned. 

"You think they're going to tell me to leave?" the President questioned with raised eyebrows. 

"Well, no, but..." 

"You may be right, Sam," the President allowed.  "But, I want to go so, I guess Josh gets to make the final decision." 

"Me?" Josh gulped. 

"Yes, you.  Donna may well think we're going because you don't trust her, meaning you'll get in trouble, so I suppose you should make the call." 

Josh looked at the President for a moment before answering, "I wanna go." 

"You're more afraid of the President than Donna?" Sam asked with surprise. 

"No," Josh glared, then noticed the look he was receiving from the President and added, "well...you know, there's no way for me to answer that.  What I meant was, Donna was planning on staying with CJ tonight but, if we go crash the party, I'll be able to persuade her to come home; she won't be mad after that," he smirked. 

"Well, you heard the man, let's go."  The President started walking out of the room, dutifully, if grudgingly, followed by Charlie, Toby, Will, Danny, Sam and Josh. 

"Josh?" Leo called, stopping Josh in his tracks. 

"Yeah?"  Josh turned around and Leo beckoned him to approach the desk; the others left the office. 

"Here, this is for you," Leo said, handing Josh an envelope. 

"Leo?"  Confusion was etched on Josh's face as he stared at the envelope. 

"It's my poker winnings from tonight," Leo explained. 

Josh opened the envelope and removed the contents.  "Leo, there's over $200 here." 

"I know." 

"I don't understand," Josh said, stuffing the money back into the envelope. 

"I want you to use it to buy a really nice dinner for yourself and Donna when you're on honeymoon.  I know you don't need the money, but..." 

"Thanks, Leo," Josh said quietly, gulping back his emotions. 

"Now, we have a party to crash," Leo stated, moving out from behind his desk.  "Oh and, Josh?" 

"Yeah?" 

"That money is for you to take Donna *out* for dinner, not for paying for room service.  You're expected to leave your hotel room at least once on honeymoon." 

Josh squirmed with embarrassment for a second and then grinned.  "Well, you know, I'm all for that, but Donna?  Once she gets going -" 

"Josh, too much information!" 

* 

"Come in," Abbey called as she heard a knock.  An Agent stuck his head around the door. 

"Ma'am, you were right, they're on their way." 

"I knew it!" Abbey declared, pointing a finger in the air. 

"Huh?" everyone else queried. 

"The boys, they're on their way up here," Abbey clarified.  "Jed swore he would leave us alone tonight, but I knew he wouldn't stick to it; I asked the Agents to give me a heads-up if they started moving in this direction." 

"They're planning to crash the bridal shower?" Andi asked.  "Toby can't be with them." 

"I'll bet this is Jed's doing and he's ordered them all to come.  I told him we had grand plans for tonight.  Well, let's have a little fun, shall we?" 

* 

"What the hell?"  Jed rattled the handle on the door to the room where the bridal shower was being held.  "It's locked," he announced, turning to his companions and giving them expectant looks. 

"Well, that's that then, let's go," Toby said, walking away. 

"Toby, get back here." 

"Sir, the door is locked, maybe the party ended already?" Toby suggested hopefully. 

"What was that?" Sam asked, sticking his ear against the door.  "That sounded like...squealing?" 

"What is Abbey up to?" Jed pondered. 

"Well, usually when women attend a bridal shower and start screaming, it's because there are male strippers around," Danny helpfully provided; he was rewarded with glares from the President and Toby.  "Wait, Josh, you're not glaring; aren't you bothered that Donna might be watching a strip show in there?" 

"Nope, I'm not bothered," Josh informed them all, prompting skeptical looks.  "Why would Donna be interested in some stripper when she has me at home?" he grinned. 

Everyone contemplated Josh's statement, until a female voice was heard shouting, "Get 'em off." 

"That was Abbey!" Jed gasped.  "Abbey, open the door," he demanded, banging his fist against the door. 

"Don't think you can compete against the strippers, huh, Sir?" Josh smirked; the President scowled at him. 

"Abbey, open the damn door, we want to come in." 

"What's your problem, Jethro?" Abbey queried as she unlocked and opened the door. 

Jed stormed into the room, followed by the rest of the men; they found it occupied only by Andi, Carol, Margaret, Bonnie, Ginger and Abbey. 

"Where's CJ?" Sam wondered. 

"More to the point, where's *Donna*?" Josh inquired. 

"Oh, they went into the other room, for a...a private discussion," Abbey told them, indicating a closed door off the room they were in. 

Josh looked suspicious, but he said nothing. 

"So, did you have a good time tonight, boys?" Abbey asked, pulling Jed down onto a couch with her. 

"Leo and Toby cleaned us out," Sam supplied. 

"Aww, how did you do, Josh?" Andi laughed. 

"Huh?"  Josh ripped his gaze from the closed door, which Donna was behind, and turned his attention to Andi.  "Oh, I'm down about $40." 

* 

Ten minutes had passed since the arrival of the gatecrashers, and Josh had partaken of two martinis, mixed for him by the President himself. 

"What on earth are they discussing in there?" Jed asked, nodding his head towards the door.  "Are they plotting an overthrow of the government?"  He turned his head and slyly winked at Abbey. 

"Well, let's just say they're...enjoying themselves.  You know, Donna only has another three weeks of being single, she's entitled to make the most of it," Abbey grinned. 

"What does that mean?" Josh demanded.  "It is just Donna and CJ in there, isn't it?" 

"Umm..." Abbey trailed off, refusing to meet Josh's eyes and unable to answer his question.  

Josh glanced around the room and found none of the women would look at him.  The alcohol was beginning to have its usual effect on him and his mind started whirring. 

"Who's in there with them?" he demanded more forcefully. 

"Josh, I..." 

"Abbey, who *is* it?" he repeated, his voice rising a little. 

"Josh," Leo warned.  Josh nodded to show he knew he was getting out of line and he let out a deep breath.  When no further information was forthcoming, he crossed to the closed door. 

"Donna, are you in there?" he called. 

"Josh, go away, we're busy," CJ replied. 

"CJ, I want to talk to Donna," he stated, turning the door handle and finding it locked.  "CJ!" 

"What do you want, Josh?" CJ glared as she opened the door and came face-to-face with him. 

"Umm, can I talk to Donna?" he asked meekly. 

CJ stepped out of the room and pushed Josh towards a chair. 

"CJ!" Josh protested.  "What the hell are you doing?  Where's Donna?" 

"I'm right here, Josh," Donna said as she left the side room and walked towards him. 

"What's that?" he inquired, pointing to Donna's right hand. 

"It's a can of whipped cream." 

"What's it for?" he asked quietly, slightly fearful of the answer. 

"CJ gave it to me as a gift," she explained. 

"It's for Donna to use on someone, Josh," CJ elaborated. 

"I can't believe you hired strippers, CJ!" Josh exclaimed.  "In the White House!"  He jumped up from the chair and dashed into the other room, emerging a few seconds later with a confused look.  "What's going on?  There's no-one in there.  Who's the can of whipped cream for?" 

"Well, I'm putting it in my bag for tonight so, what do you think?" Donna said through barely controlled laughter. 

Josh looked suitably sheepish for a moment and then recovered his composure.  Turning to the President, he asked, "How do you get to the 'Lincoln Bedroom' from here?" 

"Donna, get a cab and take that man of yours home," Abbey instructed. 

"Yes, ma'am," Donna grinned. 

** 

The End 

  
Next part...the wedding.  I know where they are going on honeymoon but, do you? :-) 

Sequel: "Sweet as Pecan Pie"


End file.
